Those early ball games, before the kids have an understanding of strategy or the necessary skills to implement it, are mini-contests of endurance for dedicated parents. Sitting it out under the blazing sun, you may realize with amusement that you’ve unconsciously shifted from cheering for your child’s team to rooting generically for the outfield!
And then, when the saga is finally about to come to a close, a teammate botches an easy play, the opposing team scores two runs, and a shoe-in for a win turns into an embarrassing defeat. To cap it off, right before your disbelieving eyes, your own child throws his glove into the dirt and storms off the field.
What is at the root of this unwelcome display of poor sportsmanship? On the positive side, clearly he cares about the outcome of the game. And chances are your son is feeling exactly what the rest of the team is feeling. He just hasn’t developed the necessary filters on his behavior to choose an appropriate way to manage those emotions. As a parent, you’ve been provided a teaching opportunity.
What to teach:
· What it means to be part of a team
· How your son can contribute to helping the team become successful
· Understanding the feelings of other players
· Social skills and sportsmanship
How to do it:
· Start by putting your own emotions in check. At first blush, it’s embarrassing to have your child display such an impressive lack of sportsmanship in front of not only his own peers – but yours as well. But remember, the experience of losing the game his, not yours.
· Help him gain control of his behavior by letting him feel understood. Take a quick moment to immerse yourself in his experience. He might be feeling:
· Embarrassed
· Angry with his teammates
· Unwilling to be identified with the losers
· Frustrated
· Unable to appreciate the flow of winning and losing, and to respect the other team’s accomplishment
· Problem solve and agree on an appropriate action. If your son feels understood and supported, he may be able to quickly rejoin his team and take part in the ritual of shaking hands after the game.
© 2007 Beech Acres Parenting Center
Information: www.beechacres.org
Fran Hendrick, M.Ed., P.C.C., therapist, coach, and mother of two, is director of Parenting Resources at Beech Acres Parenting Center.