We seem to measure everything these days.
We measure kids by their percentiles on the growth chart, how many words they can say by what age, how early they read, their test scores, their grades, the number of sports teams they’re on –
We measure parents, too. How many activities are your kids involved in? Are they on the honor roll? Are they “popular?” Do you attend every practice and every game? Do you pay extra for private lessons?
In fact, we measure people relentlessly, and all that judging is stressful. That’s true for our kids, too. Children and adolescents need free time, on a regular basis, time when they are not under pressure to achieve.
Certainly achievement is important for kids. Accomplishments are important building blocks for self esteem, and structured activities provide the opportunity for kids to achieve in ways that we – and they – can measure. However, focusing on achievement alone can cause you to lose touch with the whole child. Your child is a complex person with greatness that goes far beyond the list of her achievements!
In addition to achievement, children need emotional space in order to grow. That means an expanse of time when there’s not a coach, teacher, parent, or video screen directing their attention and assessing their progress. When kids are over-programmed and over-measured, they lose the opportunity to grow at their own pace and to rely on their own inventiveness to direct themselves.
Happily, the antidote to over-programming is built into the child! Children are born with curiosity and a natural drive to play. By resisting the temptation to sign your child up for yet another activity that will look good on an application in years to come, you leave space for pure and simple play. Playtime is a tremendous teacher that costs you nothing.
Here’s what happens when kids are allowed some space to be on their own (with the supervision they need to stay safe):
o They have time to process what has happened in their day. Whether they received an “A” on a test or were chosen last for volleyball, downtime allows them to work through their feelings and imagine what they’d like to do the next day.
o They have time to be bored and to fall back on their own resources without a screen of some sort to rescue them.
o There’s time for them to imagine and create.
o There’s time for relationships with friends to develop naturally. Unstructured play helps them learn the give and take of getting along with others.
o There’s time to feel part of something larger – the woods, the vast world inside their books, the universe.
o Play provides a safe space and time to be independent and self-directed.
The key word is time. The time for play is crucial to children’s development. It is not an extra to be allowed only when there is a blank spot in the schedule. So when you’re creating the plan of the week, remember to be intentional about building in free time for your kids. And while you’re at it, build some in for yourself, too!
Learn more…
How To Avoid the Hyper-Parenting Trap
The Power of Play [coming in January, 2007] by David Elkind, PhD, author of The Hurried Child.