The music pounds aggressively from the speakers in your teenager's bedroom. The assault of sound inspires visions of head banging and mosh pits. Even more, it generates concern for the young adult you’re raising.
What is the attraction to these sounds that seem so much a symbol of alienation? Is it simply about rebellion? Not precisely – although the opportunity to just be “bad” in a harmless way feels good. Is it a sign of depression? A threat of violence? A lack of morality?
Unlikely.
We each have a filter when it comes to music that allows certain types of sound in and rejects others. When musical sound does not match that filter, we’re likely to be suspicious or even afraid of it. And heavy metal challenges our visual filters, too. It is a form of theatre, often conveying violent themes. Its lyrics are raw and disturbing.
We’re comfortable with music that tells a story, supports a cause, or politely reflects emotion. This music does none of these. Instead, it is a statement of rage about the world. A world of random violence -- in the streets and in the schools, a world where safety seems nonexistent, where trust in leaders is dangerously eroded. It’s a world where going to college racks up enormous debt and no longer ensures employability. It’s a world that forces adolescents to confront a crisis of hope and purpose.
This music asks not how to stop a war, but rather, what is the hope for humanity? We need to find the courage to empathize with our kids’ questions and sometimes with their despair. We need to provide them hope and model the power to take action. We need to change the conversation about their music — from challenging to wondering.
Start by asking new questions:
· How does this music make you feel? Don't get hung up on the lyrics. Instead, try to understand the adventure of it, the adrenalin, the energy – and the fun!
· What scares you -- in your school or half way around the globe?
· What do you think needs to change?
· What difference would you like to make?
Go ahead and hate their music; kids prefer it that way. But love their questions and their observations. Your respect and acceptance bolster their optimism about life.
Information: www.beechacres.org
Fran Hendrick, M.Ed., P.C.C., is director of Parenting Resources at Beech Acres Parenting Center.